Long John Silver

Long John Silver - Pirate, wooden leg, crutch, tricorne hat, eye patch, hook for a hand.... and parrot on his shoulder? Sounds familiar eh?

But having a parrot on your shoulder means.... having parrot poo down your back on a fairly regular basis.

And having a wooden leg, and resting on a crutch, means you would find it pretty damn difficult to reach behind you to wipe it off...do you go for the hook hand - erm no, or the one holding your crutch - erm no again..

And being a pirate your lifestyle is fairly boat-dependant. Your days are all spent bobbing away upon the "Spanish Main". Which in turn is famous for treasure islands, mermaids, sea monsters - but not at all famous for its extensive selection of 24-hour turnaround dry cleaners.

So, this proves Long John Silver must have been a pretty fearsome character. After all, anyone who can earn the nickname "Long John" whilst playing host to a veritable lifetimes worth of parrot poo on their back, instead of being known as "The Dump-Back of Notre Dame", "Bird-Dirt Silver", or "One-Eyed Guanao" must be pretty damn hard indeed.