The Early Dark Ages at The Dorset Dodderers 2026
Justinian Byzantine vs Zapotec
Game 1 Justinian Byzantine vs Zapotec
Game 2 Justinian Byzantine vs Justinian Byzantine
Game 3 Justinian Byzantine vs Thematic Byzantine
Game 4 Justinian Byzantine vs Arab Conquest
Game 5 Justinian Byzantine vs Classical Indian
The second UK competition to be held midweek for the benefit of the more mature wargamer landed in a surprisingly warm and sunny Poole in Dorset in mid April, attracting a motley crew of players down to the absolutely spiffing Entoyment shop and gaming centre to take part in a themed event for any army from 493AD to 1066AD, (but no foot or mounted Knights).
This was a perfect opportunity to start my stepwise progression of putting on table all of the "Byzantine" lists, using the set of mostly FIB figures that I'd painted up the previous year (and of course bought before their rather bold price increase at the start of 2026!).
The starting point was the first Byzantine list, the Justinians
The Justinian Byzantine list in L’Art de la Guerre is a flexible, combined‑arms force whose greatest strengths lie in its elite cavalry and tactical versatility, but it can struggle against massed shooting armies or very heavy foot if mishandled. It is competitive, but only really rewards players who enjoy manoeuvre, timing, and using battle plans that, due to its generally small unit count, can potentially be knocked off balance by reasonable bouts of misfortune.
The Justinian Byzantine list reflects the 6th‑century army of Justinian, a The Early Dark Ages when the empire relied heavily on professional cavalry, including elite bucellarii and armoured lancers, supported by lighter horse archers and solid but not dominant infantry. Historically, Justinian’s generals—Belisarius and Narses most famously—used mobility, feigned retreats, and combined arms to defeat Vandals, Ostrogoths, and Persians. That same flavour comes through strongly in ADLG.
In game terms, the list typically includes
They key attribute is to exploit the army's high manoeuvrability - it excels at refusing flanks, redeploying, and dictating engagements, although with a typically small 20-ish unit count this style is also a default necessity rather than a game-by-game tactical choice.
In competitive matchups where mobility and flexibility matter, the list can shine. Against opponents deploying massed heavy foot or shooters it becomes more challenging but still dangerous with the right plan.
So, totally different to the usual "hurl lots of mad guys at the enemy really fast" that I often try to use !
The lists for the Justinian Byzantine and Zapotec from this game, as well as all the other lists from the games at The Dorset Dodderers can be seen here in the L'Art de la Guerre Wiki.
My scheduled opponents for the first game had unfortunately had to call in sick, and so the first round match up was against Paul, the organiser , who was using a fabulously painted but in this theme scratch army of Zapatecs
This would therefore be a battle of terrain with the Lance armed Byzantine (or "Bison Time", were I using speech to text to write this repotr) cavalry looking to ride down the loose formation Zapatec infantry in any patch of open ground they could find.
In contrast the South Americans would be looking to anchor their flanks on terrain and hiding it where possible to try and absorb the Byzantine charge and win by weight of numbers
Fortunately for Paul the terrain fell pretty ideally for his Zapatecs with a pass between two mountains ready to be defended by the hordes of Meso-American warriors
This game would not be subtle but it would be violent and it may well be short. Not too bad outcome in such a great venue with a great wargames supply shop right next door to where we were playing!
The Zapotec deployment was obvious but the Byzantines had to split their forces as an unfortunately placed marsh right in the middle of my deployment zone meant that the two wings of cavalry had to start off separated
Anyways, this would probably be a short lived occurrence as the Zapotecs would do little to stop the tide of lancers charging across the open ground to the place where they had chosen to make their stand
This near uninterrupted advance gave the newly painted Byzantines a wonderful opportunity to show the inking and contrast paints on their leather armour sleeves and their mail shirts as they rode towards the waiting Meso-Americans
In a movement filled with almost zero suspense, Byzantine skirmishers advanced towards the steep hill on the Zapotec's left.
Would there be anyone hiding behind it I wondered ?
(Do Zapotecs crap in the jungle I also mused..?)
Eventually a setup for the upcoming festivities shook itself out onto the battlefield - and one which quite probably we could have saved both of ourselves plenty of time by simply deploying the Byzantine Lancers in this exact starting position, ready to charge.
Basic Zapotecania in 2 Minutes
If you look carefully you will notice that this is pretty much exactly the same position as the previous photo. It's the same but taken from a different angle, a little closer
But anyway, I'm dead proud of the way these Byzantines have come out so another chance to take a close up photo was something I was always going to grab with both hands.
Some barely noticeable penny packets of Byzantine cavalry and lighthorse were amusing themselves over on the left hand side of the enormous hill protecting the Zapotec right.
Would they even bother to try and chase down the infantry who had snuck out into the open space? Probably not but doesn't this blue look good on their clothing eh ?
Frank Zappa’s musical career was a kaleidoscope of genius, mischief, and mild bewilderment. He treated genres like ingredients in a cosmic soup—stirring jazz, rock, classical, and satire until they hissed and bubbled into something entirely his own. His guitar solos were less “notes” and more “philosophical statements,” often delivered with the precision of a man who’d just discovered the meaning of life in a 7/8 time signature.
He wrote symphonies about dental hygiene, lampooned American consumerism, and somehow made it all sound like the soundtrack to a particularly lucid dream - however he was famously afraid of water, and supposedly never once stepped foot on a boat.
His visits to Mexico were few but memorable. Some say he tried to record the sound of a cactus growing; others insist he merely ordered tacos and declared them “structurally perfect.” Either way, the country left its mark on him, and he left behind a faint echo of laughter and distortion somewhere near Oaxaca.
In the grand Top Trumps pantheon, Zappa stands as the patron saint of musical absurdity—half composer, half cosmic prankster. He didn’t just play notes; he rearranged reality into riffs. If you listen closely, you can still hear him somewhere in the ether, arguing with a drum machine about existentialism and the proper tuning of satire.
Only pausing momentarily to wonder whether the Zapotecs had a cultural history of liking detective novels, the "No shit Sherlock" moment finally occurred as a tide of Zapotec warriors emerged from their hiding place behind the steep hill on the Zapotec left
Totally shocked, nay astonished, nay literally flabbergasted by this unexpected development, the Byzantines suddenly realised they had already deployed some Lancer cavalry at the bottom of the hill to keep these mountain dwellers safely bottled up
Whether the three skirmishing javelinmen thought the same as they confronted an enormous hoard (OK, "horde", but they had kinda been hiding, like they were in a cupboard, so "hoard" isn't entirely inappropriate either) of warriors emerging also from the hill was perhaps a more challenging question for the Byzantine military commander to answer when they all met up in the pub later on that evening!
The Zapotec People
Quite what the penny packets of Byzantine cavalry were expecting to be able to do here against a mountain swarming with angry Zapotec warriors is still a mystery - even though I am writing this report not that long after the event itself happened and really should be able to remember!
But if it amused the cavalry - and amused the Zapotec infantry - at the time, I guess it's all good really
By now the Byzantine Scutatoi were in knee trembling distance of the Zapotec warriors who had descended from their mountain fastness. Quite frankly the Byzantine garrison infantry thought that with so many cavalry going spare surely some could have been allocated to work with them and intimidate the potentially onrushing loose formation infantry?
But unfortunately only a few paltry Archers on their right wing stepped up to stand alongside them against the colourful maniacs from South America
Anyways, that was all a sideshow. The meat of the action would be decided in the next series of dice rolls as a wall of Byzantine cavalry, lances lowered (apart from the figures with raised lances) slammed into the brave and long time waiting Zapotec Warriors
Who would triumph? Eurasian armoured horse from the gleaming city or feather clad tribesmen who may or may not have had an equally advanced civilization depending on which book you may have read most recently ?
At the end of the day though it was probably going to be down to the dice to decide. Some things never changed, irrespective of which continent you were born on!
Little Known Facts About The Justinian Byzantines
During the Gothic Wars, Byzantine engineers allegedly attempted to construct a mobile siege tower fitted with a primitive espresso dispenser in order to improve morale during prolonged sieges. The machine exploded outside Ravenna after an overenthusiastic officer attempted to add cinnamon imported from India directly into the boiler.
Justinian’s court also maintained an official corps of military accountants whose sole responsibility was determining whether victorious generals were exaggerating enemy casualty figures. This became necessary after one ambitious commander claimed to have defeated “approximately fourteen million Ostrogoths” in what was later revealed to be a skirmish involving three shepherds and an unusually aggressive mule.
In A Pretty Good Start, the Byzantine charge knocked holes in three of the seven formations of Zapotec warriors leaving three blocky yellow two-hit markers lurking behind their bases.
It wasn't quite the breakthrough, but it was certainly a harbinger of a time when a rather dramatic creaking sound may start issuing from the Zapotec line.
Franky Zapata’s career began when he looked at the sea and thought, “This needs more jet engines.” From that moment, he became the aquatic Icarus of modern France—half inventor, half daredevil, and entirely allergic to common sense. His machines defy gravity, logic, and occasionally French traffic laws. Watching him fly a jetboard is like seeing a croissant achieve sentience and decide to join the Air Force.
Musically, Zapata’s discography is somewhat limited, but his engines hummed in perfect 4/4 time. Some say his flyboard’s whine harmonised with dolphins; others claim it was the sound of the universe applauding. He once tried to record an album called “Thrust Issues”, but the microphones melted. Still, his unreleased performance remains the loudest symphony ever composed by a man wearing a wetsuit and a grin.
His visits to Mexico were brief but legendary. Locals recall a mysterious figure hovering above the beach, shouting “¡Olé!” while performing barrel rolls over startled pelicans. He allegedly attempted to race a marlin, lost, and congratulated it with a handshake. The marlin declined. Zapata left behind only scorch marks and a faint smell of kerosene and triumph.
In the Top Trumps universe, Franky Zapata is the patron saint of propulsion—a man who looked at water and thought, “Not wet enough.” He’s the only player who can win a card battle simply by taking off mid‑game. His stats are impressive, but his true power lies in his ability to make physics blush and gravity apologise.
With that decisive central struggle now destined to become a series of photos with the troops on both sides barely moving as different coloured hit markers sprout like patagonian mushrooms on a damp Quinto evening behind (probably) more Zapotecs than Byzantines, all actual interest turned to the previously almost unknown and unseen action on the right hand side of the Byzantine line.
OK, When I say interest that may be pushing things a little. The Byzantine skirmishers had retreated behind their Skoutatoi - who now somewhat worriedly faced the prospect of actually having to fight in this battle !
The Byzantine cavalry in the middle continued to grind forward stabbing their swords thrusting their lances and rolling slightly better dice and enjoying higher initial combat factors than flamboyantly attired opponents
The second wave of Zapotecs looked on nervously suddenly realising that they too may be asked to step forward and sacrifice the integrity of their flamboyant party clothes on the altar of a potentially vain attempt to maintain Zapotec independence from one of the rising powers of the near and Middle East.
The Byzantine Bowman had no such commitment to the military cause.
Faced with Zapatec warriors they turned and ran away.
Unfortunately this was not an option open to the Scutatoi, who prepared to stand and take whatever the Zapotecs could dish out, like the quivering cowardly men they actually were.
Charging forward like a tidal wave of psychotic parrots on acid, the jungle warriors launched their attack on the Scutatoi
This would be a traditional infantry versus infantry battle with none of the evil witchcraft of horse-shaped nonsense here to mess with the Zapotec's traditional pedestrian ways of warfare!
Little Known Facts About The Justinian Byzantines
A little-known edict from Constantinople attempted to standardise military hairstyles across the empire, requiring all heavy cavalrymen to adopt what officials described as a “disciplined imperial fringe.” Enforcement proved difficult in Italy, where many veterans preferred the more rugged “campaign beard and windswept apocalypse” look popular among frontier officers.
Procopius bitterly recorded that some younger Byzantine officers had become obsessed with collecting exotic campaign souvenirs, including Frankish axes, Persian silks, and in one case “a suspiciously well-crafted Visigothic toaster,” the existence of which continues to trouble archaeologists.
As the Byzantine cavalrymen ground their way slowly through the centre of the Zapotec line, ever more of the buggers descended like gibbons from the tree-clad hilltops, sweeping around the flanks of the ongoing combat
Would the metal clad Byzantines breakthrough - or would they be enveloped in a tsunami of psychedelic tie-dyed nonsense?
The second wave of Zapotecs were now almost fully committed to the fray too.
But the inexorable superiority of the Byzantine horsemen was very much starting to count. The Zapotec line had gone some way beyond "fraying" and was by now quite deep into "somewhat ragged" territory
The Zapotec centre suddenly collapsed like a deck of parrot themed playing cards allowing the Byzantine cavalry to surge forward eagerly.
The inescapable fact that they were also close to being surrounded and enveloped from the rear having nothing to do of course with this sudden enthusiasm for forward motion!
Justinians Reforms - and the Plague!
Everywhere you looked Byzantine horsemen were suddenly finding space to charge anew at the shell shocked and disrupted Zapotecs.
Even the "I'm not sure if they technically count as" head-hunters baggage camp suddenly appeared to be almost in the grasp of the Byzantine cavalry
Things were not quite so good for the Skoutatoi, who were very much being swamped by the tide of exuberant jungle dwellers
Even so, it was a reasonable day for their fellow bowmen, who had managed somehow to avoid getting drawn into this unequal combat, but had now finally decided perhaps this was the ideal time to come back and do some close range shooting to try and tip the enemy army over the edge into defeat
The Skoutatoi were very much on their last legs when Byzantine cavalry, fresh from the near-total victory in the centre, arrived at speed to rescue them in the nick of time
This development was welcome for the spearman but slightly disappointing to the bowman who were hoping to claim the credit themselves with a well timed flank charge that they had just about teed up !
Little Known Facts About The Justinian Byzantines
Byzantine generals in the East supposedly developed an early warning system involving trained peacocks positioned along the Persian frontier. The birds would scream loudly whenever enemy cavalry approached, though critics pointed out they also screamed at clouds, loud sandals, and anyone carrying figs.
The system was ultimately abandoned after one peacock wandered into a field headquarters near Dara and accidentally triggered a full-scale mobilisation of two legions, three bishops, and an extremely confused tax inspector.
Desperate perhaps to give the photographer a glimpse of their newly minted and newly installed LBMS shield transfers, the remaining Skoutatoi quickly reformed and prepared to face the ongoing assault from the Zapotecs even as they teetered close to breaking with a 3-hit marker by their side
She may indeed be "coming down the mountain when she comes", but these Zapotecs were starting to regret their own particular foray down the steep slopes into the maw of the Byzantine mounted maelstrom
Every sandal or unshod foot placed foolishly outside of the terrain seemed to be an invitation to trigger a fresh high speed lancer charge!
And in that moment perhaps unsurprisingly seemingly inevitably the Zapotecs collapsed to defeat
They had put up a brave fight far braver than anyone may have expected and a fight no doubt aided by their expert use of terrain
However the sheer frontal combat power of the Byzantines in the flat plain between the mountains had proved too much
The result - this newly minted Justinian army had just about been able to record their first professional outing as a first victory!
Mixtec Strategist Eight Deer Jaguar Claw earned his name in the traditional Mixtec manner: by doing something so spectacularly ill‑advised that the elders had no choice but to commemorate it. Some say he wrestled an actual jaguar for the last tamale at a festival. Others insist he merely tripped over one, apologised politely, and the jaguar—deeply impressed—adopted him. Whatever the truth, the name stuck, and soon the entire region knew of the warrior whose spirit animal was either a fierce jungle predator or a very confused housecat.
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His visits to Mexico—technically his home turf—were frequent and dramatic. He travelled from village to village performing heroic deeds, settling disputes, and occasionally challenging local wildlife to staring contests. One tale describes him attempting to teach a turkey to play percussion; another recounts his attempt to surf a canoe down a waterfall while playing a nose‑flute solo in 5/4 time. Both stories end with applause, mild property damage, and someone needing a new canoe.
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Click here for the report of the next game in this competition, or read on for the post match summaries from the Generals involved, as well as another episode of legendary expert analysis from Hannibal
Post Match Summary from Justinian Bieber, the Byzantine Commander
Soldiers of New Rome! Citizens of the Empire! Gather close and witness greatness — for today you do not merely look upon a victorious general. You look upon Justinian Bieber himself, conqueror of the mountain pass, master of horse and steel, the man who taught these distant Zapotec warriors that they should never say never to the might of Byzantium!
They thought themselves clever, hiding between two hills like frightened monks avoiding taxation. “If we narrow the field,” they said, “the Byzantine cavalry cannot ride us down!” Ah, but what they failed to understand is that cavalry commanded by Justinian Bieber does not simply ride. It glides. It da01les. It performs. My glorious Bukellarii swept through that pass with such elegance that even Belisarius himself would have stopped and asked for riding lessons.
And who devised this triumph? Who understood that disciplined horse archers, supported by mailed lancers and flexible infantry reserves, would crack the enemy line at precisely the right moment? Was it fate? Was it fortune? No! It was me. Me! Justinian Bieber! The architect of victory! The genius of manoeuvre! The shining star of the eastern armies!
Some men inherit armies. Some merely command them. But I? I reinvent them. Before me, generals threw infantry at hills and prayed to saints. I transformed the Roman army into a masterpiece of mobility and style. Combined arms? My idea. Flexible cavalry formations? My idea. The very reforms of the Emperor Justinian himself? Strongly inspired by my creative input, naturally. You are welcome, Empire.
The Zapotecs fought bravely, I shall grant them that. Their warriors held their line with courage, their drums echoed through the hills, and for a fleeting moment they believed they could resist us. But bravery without horses is like a love song without a chorus — technically possible, but painfully ineffective. Once my mounted warriors began their advance, the enemy line collapsed faster than an overconfident barbarian hearing the thunder of hooves behind him.
Did you see the Bukellarii charge? Of course you did. The sunlight gleaming upon their armour, the lances lowered as one, the enemy scattering before them like critics before one of my triumphal performances. Even the hills themselves seemed to tremble as my cavalry descended upon the foe. That was not merely warfare. That was art.
And now the bards shall sing of this day across the seas. They shall sing of the pass between the hills where the Zapotecs stood firm — and where Justinian Bieber taught them that the Empire’s cavalry always finds a way. They shall sing of the commander who rode at the head of his army with unmatched charisma and perfect hair, bringing glory not only to Constantinople, but to military science itself.
So raise your standards high, my warriors! Celebrate this triumph! For as long as the Empire stands, the world shall remember that on this day Justinian Bieber was not merely somebody… he was everything.
Hannibal's Post Match Analysis
“So. Justinian Bieber, self-proclaimed Master of Strategy, Scourge of Civilisations, and apparently also part-time travelling minstrel, has returned from the lands of the Zapotecs declaring victory. Victory! By Baal’s left sandal, the man would declare triumph after surviving a shipwreck he himself caused. Let us examine this masterpiece of military art more closely, shall we? The Emperor, upon seeing a narrow valley squeezed neatly between two looming hills, apparently thought to himself: ‘Ah yes, this seems entirely safe. What could possibly occupy the commanding high ground overlooking my entire army?’ Truly, there are goats with superior tactical instincts.”
“And so onward marched the Byzantines into what can only be described as the Valley of Death, with Justinian riding at the front glowing with the confidence of a man who has never once allowed reality to interrupt his self-esteem. Then — astonishingly, miraculously, impossibly — Zapotec warriors appeared upon the hills on both flanks. On BOTH flanks! One imagines Justinian gawping upward in disbelief like a child discovering rain falls from the sky. ‘Enemies? On the high ground? Near a narrow pass?’ Yes, you perfumed peacock, that is generally where they keep them.”
“Now to be fair — and it wounds me physically to say this — the battle was eventually won. But at what cost? Thousands of Byzantine soldiers hacked apart, battered with clubs, or dragged screaming into cactus-filled ravines by men armed essentially with sharpened sticks and dressed like overdecorated sleepwalkers. These were not the armies of Rome’s old rivals. Not Macedonians. Not Carthaginians. Not the legions of Caesar. No — Justinian nearly managed to destroy his own army fighting warriors who looked as though they had escaped from a theatrical dance recital.”
“And why did this disaster nearly occur? Hubris. Pure concentrated hubris. Justinian Bieber believes himself such a transcendent genius that geography itself will rearrange to flatter him. The fool marched into mountainous terrain without proper mountain troops. No slingers skilled in hill fighting. No light infantry trained for rough ground. No adaptable skirmishers capable of contesting the heights. Hannibal Barca crossed the Alps with elephants, half-starved mercenaries, and Gauls who considered trousers a personality trait — yet even I understood the value of controlling high ground. Bieber, meanwhile, seems genuinely shocked whenever enemies use terrain more intelligently than decorative shrubbery.”
“I particularly enjoyed his official report, wherein he praised the courage of the cavalry repeatedly charging uphill into ambushes. Ah yes, magnificent strategy: exhausting heavy horse against concealed warriors on steep slopes. Perhaps next he shall deploy warships into forests or send siege towers swimming across rivers. His tactical imagination resembles his singing voice — loud, emotional, and fatally dependent upon adolescent enthusiasm masking structural weakness.”
“And still he struts afterward proclaiming glory. Glory! A competent commander would have crushed the Zapotecs cleanly, secured the hills first, and lost minimal men. Justinian instead blundered into a trap obvious to any officer possessing both eyes and a functioning sense of shame, then celebrated surviving it as though he had conquered the moon itself. One is reminded of the old saying: ‘The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.’ Which also, coincidentally, describes most of Bieber’s musical catalogue.”
“Mark my words: this Emperor wins battles the way drunken gamblers win knife fights — through noise, luck, and the alarming willingness of others to die cleaning up his mistakes. Someday he shall finally encounter an enemy who punishes these absurdities properly, and when that day comes, no amount of hair oil, auto-tuned chanting, or self-congratulatory speeches shall save him. Until perhaps the next game I suppose Rome will march onward under the command of a man who mistakes survival for brilliance and catastrophe for choreography.”
Click here for the report of the next game in this competition
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Game 1 Justinian Byzantine vs Zapotec
Game 2 Justinian Byzantine vs Justinian Byzantine
Game 3 Justinian Byzantine vs Thematic Byzantine
